I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
