Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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