My hand turned me down
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
