She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
