i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Come see our sink grown plant.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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