No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
