Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
