just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
