on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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