Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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