The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
