How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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