Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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