I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
