the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think a kid would responsible me up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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