***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
