so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
