I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
