am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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