Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
