I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
