I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
