He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
