Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
