Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
