im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
