In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
