And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
