if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
