Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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