How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
