After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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