i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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