Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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