Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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