I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
