how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
