i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
