yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
