I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
