As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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