I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
