yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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