please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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