Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
