Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
