If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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