she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
