I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
