Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
