Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
