Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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