I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
