i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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