Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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