The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
