my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
two words...techno handjob
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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