Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I will die if light touches me.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
